I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
