dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
