I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We need to get me chipped asap
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
