So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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