i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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