Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize