Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
