I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
