so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
