Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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