I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
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Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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