she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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