One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
