Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
