One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
