Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
