She is in my trunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Im part way to drunk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
