So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
