That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
