I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
