I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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