so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
