today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
is it fun? or sober?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
