so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm like, not good at living.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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