I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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