I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
