Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
