I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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