and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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