Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
