Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dignity is for republicans.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?