i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
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I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha