If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.