Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security