I hate your face
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila