I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house