I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
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Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.