i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
