Already got asked if we're dating
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
