god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
