happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
