My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
