i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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