I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
