another moral hangover. fuck.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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