you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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