i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
