he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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