Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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