ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
