I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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