two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
