Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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