Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just had sex on a roof
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
