When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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