This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
