still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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