I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
