Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
this will be a night to untag.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
