I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How drunk are you?
Completed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
