Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
