I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
