I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
