in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
