This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
