remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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