I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
