Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
