So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
