We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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