Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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